5 years ago, I took a chance and boarded a plane with my brother and my 6 month old daughter to meet a woman that I had been corresponding with. Like me, she had lost her husband suddenly within the year prior and was now left to raise her young son (who was 5 months old at the time) alone as well.  My husband had been murdered in April 2014, while hers had died of sudden cardiac arrest in Nov 2013 (from an unknown underlying condition known as hypertrophic cardiomyopathy).  At the time of our husbands’ deaths, both of us were pregnant and had been married less than a year.  And neither of us had any idea what we were doing.

She had heard my story through social media and reached out to me in my darkest hour. We leaned on each other and found it such a comfort to have someone else out there who “got it”, despite the sorrow that someone else was on a similar journey. Emails and texts quickly turned to long phone calls, and by the time I boarded that plane in October 2014, I felt like I was meeting a lifelong friend.

The first night we met, I don’t think a single silence entered the room. Reminiscent of slumber parties and younger years (which suddenly felt so long ago), we stayed up until the wee hours of the night talking about everything from the days our husbands died to giving birth to sharing special memories about our late husbands along with our life and faith journeys. I imagine there are few stories out there, so similar as ours are. In our conversations we discussed that had Nate and I had a boy, he would have been named “James”, the name of Cristina’s late husband and new son. Cristina’s husband passed away on the feast day of St. Cecilia. Our first children were both due within a week of our first wedding anniversary. This is just a small thread from the interweaving of our two stories.

I would say that it was “friendship at first sight”, but we had formed a friendship months before we met. It’s amazing how two souls, separated by time and space can come together and feel like the oldest of friends. What started as a friendship based on survival became a sisterhood of faith, hope, and love.

Since that first meeting 5 years ago, Cristina and I have made countless plans together. Despite living states away, we have planned numerous girls trips and weekends together. And I have to say, the last of which was by far the most special.

In early 2016, to celebrate me being done with PA school, she and I booked a  trip to the Dominican Republic for a “mom’s get away”. It had been about 2 years since we had lost our husbands. For those who have walked through grief, many often say that the second year is the hardest. While the first year is a year of denial and survivability, the second year is the year where reality is harsh and society expects you to be back to the person you were before. Throw that in with being single moms raising rambunctious little ones and this trip together was much needed.

This trip held a much different tone than the first time we met, while we still talked often about our late husband’s, this time our tone was different. We knew we still (and would always) love them, but we also felt our hearts were becoming more open to a new future. The reality was, the past could no longer be our future; our husbands, despite our deep love for them, could not come back. We knew we could either stand still and wait, or be open to God’s plan for us and make a choice to see what was out there. Our conversations centered on how we missed the beauty of marriage and how hard single parenting was. We had no idea what our futures would look like, but began to feel a hope about God’s plan. We knew He loved us and would not abandon us. Although at the time I wasn’t yet ready to date, talking about it with someone who got it, was so incredibly valuable. And just like that, under the stars of the Caribbean, we made a promise that one day we would take another trip like this, but one that included the future spouses God would help us find.

Flash forward to this year, and our promise finally came true. Last month, she and I were able to go on a week long cruise with our second husbands- the double date of a lifetime! We had booked the trip a year prior, but had talked about it ever since that night in the DR. To say this was a dream come true would be an understatement. She and her new husband still live states away so not only was it nice to see each other, this was actually the first time just the 4 of us got to hang out. One week went by too incredibly fast and our only regret was not going for 10 days! Our trip was filled with laughter and joy, so much different from our first meeting 5 years ago.

The past 5 years have too often felt like its own lifetime. So much has happened. So much has worn me down. And yet I am so grateful. God has shown me time and time again, that He has not abandoned me. He loves me and despite the pain this world offers, He always wants what is best for me.

Cristina and I both know we will always miss and love our first husbands, that will never go away. But we also know that if we had only held onto those feelings, we would have missed out on so much of God’s plan for our lives. St. John Paul II said it best, “In God’s plan, nothing happens by chance.” I couldn’t be more grateful to Him for sending me a soul sister to take chances with and to walk this journey together. This is the kind of life God wants for you, one that is filled with love and joy.

Would love to hear from you! What chances have you taken in your life that helped you see God’s love for you?