He always used to whistle. It was constant. I would politely ask him to stop and minutes later he would start again. I knew it was a habit, something he did without even realizing it, so I didn’t get mad – but I did get annoyed. And I hated the way he put on chapstick – he would only use one side until it came to a point until the rest was rendered useless. Because you can’t put chapstick on when it looks like a pencil. Oh! And the gum chewing was constant! I was always finding little gum wrappers around the house, in the laundry, in pockets, in the car, they were everywhere. It seemed so rare that he was awake that he didn’t have a little piece of gum in his mouth.
Sometimes it pains me because I often remember these little annoyances much better than I do the every day little joys. I so clearly and vividly remember all of those little things he did that would make me frustrated, that would taunt me to no end, that I kept asking him to stop but his habits were too strong to change. These annoyances weren’t deal breakers, they weren’t anything that I couldn’t get past. And yet there were times where it would cloud all other thoughts, these little annoyances, they would eat me up until we fought or had a disagreement. And it went both ways, I know I annoyed him too.
That’s the amazing thing about love, you love each other despite these little annoyances. And now I realize I loved him and miss him even more because of these little annoyances.
Boy, would I give anything to hear that whistle again. To find a tiny gum wrapper in my sock drawer. To laugh with him as he sheepishly smiled when I asked to borrow his chapstick, only to find it was once again pointed.
Today, is a day of giving thanks. And while you’re giving thanks for those things that bring you joy, the things you deem good and worthy to give thanks to – don’t forget about the things that maybe don’t give you joy. Don’t forget these little annoyances. Because when they’re gone – those are some of the things that you’ll remember the most, the things you’ll miss the most, the things you’ll want back the most.
And take a lesson in this as well, because we too often focus so much time and energy on the things that annoy us, that frustrate us, or make us mad. It only makes sense that these memories get etched so strongly in our minds. I wish I had spent more energy and thoughts on the little joys. The little things he did that made me happy. But because it brought me joy, I didn’t simmer it in my thoughts for as long, I didn’t ponder over how to bring up the topic again or how to discuss it with him. These joyful moments were gone as soon as they came, but these moments of frustration and annoyance dragged on, permanently marking their spot in my memory.
So today be thankful for every moment, both the little joyful ones and the little annoying ones. And perhaps, if you dare, try to hold on tighter to the joyful ones, to think about those more often than those little annoying ones. So that one day, when your memories are all that remain, you’ll remember those joyful moments just a little bit more.
I miss those little annoying moments so much.