My heart is heavy today. I miss Nate more than ever, noticing the lack of his presence on this holiday. I was by his side last year with Cecilia in my belly, so joyful at the thought of the coming year. Now my heart is broken and my life is not what I ever imagined it would be.

And yet, through it all, I have so much to be thankful for.

It is of unfortunate circumstance that the commercial sales of holiday shopping have begun to trample on Thanksgiving. We have already seen other holidays, such as Valentine’s Day, Halloween, and Christmas, be overturned to the marketing world, focused on lucrative goals rather than Godly ones. It is no wonder that greed and envy are prominent in our society; when they have overtaken even some of the most holy of days and God is no longer at the center.

Today, it is especially important. “Black Friday” sales no longer begin on Friday. We are told through ads, social media, commercials, etc… that these “good deals” are too good to pass up. Rather than spending the day being thankful to God, honoring him, and counting our blessings; we peruse the ads, searching for the best deals, and shopping for gifts and things that (I would guess) we don’t really need.

Social media is a culprit in itself. It has caused a major comparison of our lives to that of our peers. To me, these “personal posts” have become even more real this year. So often I see happy posts of families, of fathers loving on their daughters, of first dances, of new homes, of all the things I wish I could have. It has caused a dark spot on my soul, a spot of envy, that goes against the very core of the 10th commandment – Thou shall not covet thy neighbor.

This year I ask you to consider the blessings in your life, to take a moment to be thankful for not just the great and wonderful things, but also for the everyday things that often may seem mundane. I promise, I would trade anything for a quiet, boring, day at home with my Nate and Cecilia. In order to remind myself that I am still blessed, that I still have so much to be thankful for, I wanted to make a list.

My list of thanks:

  • Almost 11 months of living a fairy tale with my Prince Charming, as well as the 2 1/2 years we spent together before our marriage
  • My faith in Christ and the hope of live everlasting
  • Every moment I get to spend with Cecilia
  • The love letters and emails he wrote to me that remind me how much he loved me
  • That I was his chosen one from our first date until the day he died, he loved me the rest of his life
  • Unconditional and unwavering love; a love so strong that he showed me each and every day
  • My darling Cecilia girl who is my constant light
  • Memories, beautiful memories
  • That he knew we were having a girl and called her “Silly Celia” when she would kick me in the ribs – I am especially thankful for these memories of him and her
  • That the last thing I remember with him was saying “I love you” and having his hand on my belly, feeling our baby girl
  • My mother, for her strong protective and loving arms that have never left my side
  • My father, for his solid love and unwavering loyalty and faith
  • My brother, for his funny sense of humor and comforting shoulder, as well as his musical skills
  • My sister, for being my best friend and rock, for giving up her room to Cecilia and staying with me all summer through school and everything in between
  • My friend Sarah and her family, who even in their own heartbreak have been by my side, helping me through every step
  • For Kelly who has spent so many lonely nights with me, for cleaning my room, and for all the other wonderful things she has done and moments of joy she has given us
  • My “other” family (or in-laws) for being so supportive and loving and treating me like a daughter or sister. I am so glad to have them in mine and Cecilia’s lives and that they can share stories about Nate to her one day
  • For beautiful photographs of me and Cecilia
  • For a wonderful honeymoon that I will never forget
  • That I found my soul mate, my one true love, not just a husband
  • Those cold snowy days last year that let us spend so much time alone
  • all the breakfast’s in bed Nate brought me when I was pregnant with Cecilia
  • all the times Nate sat by me in the bathroom, holding my hair and rubbing my back while Cecilia made me nauseous
  • That my last night with Nate was one of the best we had ever had and that I laughed until I cried that night
  • My grad school instructors and classmates who have worked hard to help me continue my education through this most difficult year
  • The Catholic community which has opened their arms and shown us what it means to be “one holy church”
  • The community of Indianapolis (and beyond) for gifting Cecilia and I with so many items and donations so that we didn’t have to go without
  • For the relatives and friends who have made it a priority to make sure we are doing all right, who volunteer to come to our house to help with those tasks that have been too difficult for me to do myself, or to help me with Cecilia
  • My dog Ginger, who has been cuddled me so much lately, especially during those lonely nights

I could go on and on, but will stop here, my hope is to continue to add to it each day to give me light and hope and show me all the things I still have to be thankful for.

I challenge you to write out a similar list , a list of thanks. But don’t just leave it at that. Look at it each week, honor it by telling those on it that you are thankful for them. How often do we tell our families, our friends, our children that we are thankful for them? It is easy to say you are thankful but it is another to say it out loud. Also remember to give thanks to God each day for all the blessings He has given you because He loves you. And do not become envious of others, but do all things out of charity, out of honor and love for God. Because he gave us the ultimate gift, the gift of himself dying on the cross so that we may have eternal salvation. What more could we ask for?

Jennifer Trapuzzano