My wish today is that you live each day as if you will not have a tomorrow and as if your loved ones will not have a tomorrow. For, if your tomorrow never came, how would that change your today? There is a trend out there called “YOLO”, of which I think the premise is reasonable but the execution is poor. For the idea that “you only live once” is admirable, doing something senseless in the name of that sentiment is inexcusable. We DO have one life to live, and every passing moment could be our last – why would we want to waste even a breathe of air on something hollow and meaningless. Turn to the Father in praise and thanksgiving, show those around you how much you love them, and do something today just for yourself that will bring you joy.

I was able to find some joy this past week as Cecilia and I traveled to Florida with my brother to visit some family as well as a new widow friend I have connected with. This trip was everything I needed and provided so much peace, relaxation, and joy. The ocean truly is my paradise, and knowing that Nate loved it as well helps me feel even closer to him. Nate and I had plans to one day move there, for now I have made a promise that Cecilia will at least come to know the beach, the waves, the sand. She inherited our love for it as well. Every time a wave crashed upon her legs she let out gleeful babbles and joyful giggles. I have promised myself to bring her back sooner than later.

Here are some fun pictures from our trip along with some other recent happenings.

For those who asked, Cecilia was Snow White for Halloween.

I took her to see her daddy on All Soul’s Day and we visited for a while. She even showed him how well she could sit up now!

Our big girl is learning how to crawl! Should be any day now before she’s on the go! Not sure if we’re ready for that yet!

After she turned 6 months, we gave Cecilia her first solid food (other than rice cereal). She tried sweet potatoes; she ate it but was more excited about the spoon than the food!

Here is a picture of Cecilia and I at Sts Philomena and Cecilia for the Christ the King mass on October 25th.

And this one was just a fun fall picture I took of her while we were out walking one day and spotted a beautiful fall tree.While we were at the beach, I was able to meet up with Melissa Dippo of Melissa Ashley Photography and we had a wonderful photography session on the beach at sunrise. I can’t thank her enough for offering her services to us and treating us to such beautiful images. Because of mine and Nate’s love for the beach, these images mean more than words can say <3

Perhaps it it is the return to “real life” after quite a splendid vacation, but my heart has felt heavy these past few days. I miss him more than ever. I wish we had returned home to him, that he had met us with a that big goofy smile and warm embracing hug that only he knew how to give me. But alas, I know it is not to be so, not in this life at least.

I’d like to end with a poem sent to me by my love on May 14, 2011. He was in the habit of sending me “Poetry of the Day” and this one brings loving tears to my eyes. He loved me until his last hour of time left on this earth.

As I walked out one evening,
Walking down Bristol Street,
The crowds upon the pavement
Were fields of harvest wheat.

And down by the brimming river
I heard a lover sing
Under an arch of the railway:
‘Love has no ending.

‘I’ll love you, dear, I’ll love you
Till China and Africa meet,
And the river jumps over the mountain
And the salmon sing in the street,

‘I’ll love you till the ocean
Is folded and hung up to dry
And the seven stars go squawking
Like geese about the sky.

‘The years shall run like rabbits,
For in my arms I hold
The Flower of the Ages,
And the first love of the world.’

But all the clocks in the city
Began to whirr and chime:
‘O let not Time deceive you,
You cannot conquer Time.

‘In the burrows of the Nightmare
Where Justice naked is,
Time watches from the shadow
And coughs when you would kiss.

‘In headaches and in worry
Vaguely life leaks away,
And Time will have his fancy
To-morrow or to-day.

‘Into many a green valley
Drifts the appalling snow;
Time breaks the threaded dances
And the diver’s brilliant bow.

‘O plunge your hands in water,
Plunge them in up to the wrist;
Stare, stare in the basin
And wonder what you’ve missed.

‘The glacier knocks in the cupboard,
The desert sighs in the bed,
And the crack in the tea-cup opens
A lane to the land of the dead.

‘Where the beggars raffle the banknotes
And the Giant is enchanting to Jack,
And the Lily-white Boy is a Roarer,
And Jill goes down on her back.

‘O look, look in the mirror,
O look in your distress:
Life remains a blessing
Although you cannot bless.

‘O stand, stand at the window
As the tears scald and start;
You shall love your crooked neighbour
With your crooked heart.’

It was late, late in the evening,
The lovers they were gone;
The clocks had ceased their chiming,
And the deep river ran on.

“As I Walked Out One Evening” W. H. Auden, 1940

The following analysis is from http://www.gradesaver.com/w-h-auden-poems:

“As I Walked Out One Evening” is a poem from Auden’s early stage. There are three speakers in the poem: the narrator, the singing lover, and all of the clocks in the city speaking as one. The poem’s structure, along with the three voices of which it is composed, reinforce as well as disrupt atemporal universality,” undermining the lovers’ song as the poem darkens.

The poem begins with the narrator walking out one evening along Bristol Street, likely in Birmingham, England, where Auden grew up. There are crowds on the street, but the narrator’s attention is caught by a lover who is singing near the bridge. The lover begins his discourse on love. The main theme of his song is that since “Love has no ending” and will persist on absurd time scales, he will love his lover forever. Reality is not going to interfere.

“But,” says every clock in the city, “You cannot conquer time.” With brutal honesty, the clocks depict sickness and fatigue and similar realities of life and mortality. Death will encroach on the lovers’ bliss. In beautiful metaphors and other imagery, the poem brilliantly depicts the physical and emotional erosion, this growing darkness: “Into many a green valley / Drifts the appalling snow; / Time breaks the threaded dances / And the diver’s brilliant bow” is just one of many such stanzas. It would be foolish to assume love could be more powerful than Time (which Auden personifies by capitalizing the word).

Nevertheless, the clocks remind the lover, “Life remains a blessing” even though we cannot overcome mortality. The fleeting loves of life still matter, tragic though life is:

Despite human imperfections, despite mortality, loving one another is what Time and the clocks tell us we will do.

Finally, after the clocks are done telling the lover about Time, the speaker notices that the lovers are gone. Did they heed the advice or not? Either way, it seems that the lovers will share the night together, though they might appreciate the time more if they recognize it is limited. The poem ends by noting that “the deep river ran on,” suggesting a broader timelessness or a broader history in which the lovers are just one small part. At the same time we have learned that even the river will one day be no more.

I am sure you can appreciate my deep love for this poem.

Jennifer Trapuzzano